WTF are you doing awake!?

You have no idea. So you think it might be a fun to write about some things that you've been thinking about recently.

Why do you hold people at arms length sweetie?

You wish you had an answer to that question. You have trust issues you presume. You meet lots and lots of people, despite your better judgment, and more often than not they want to spend more time with you. You have no clue why for as many times as people have told you that you are sweet, twice as many times they have told you that you are a fucking asshole. Which is funny and ironic since they bitch if they can't spend time with you or don't get enough time with you to satiate themselves. You think they like that you're an asshole. Part of you thinks that they wish they could be as hyper-analytical and condescending as you, little do they realize that you are slightly autistic, and the other part doesn't give a fuck. Perhaps that's why you hold them at arms length. You don't want them to get too close since you'll inevitably hurt them and you'd like to control the extent to which they can hurt you.

Okay fine, you didn't really answer my question dick. But we'll move on. Why are you so angry?

Angry!? You wonder if they know you at all. Since you live at home with your parents and have been a momma's boy for fuckin-ever. You have problems with your Mom. Its funny, you're just like her. To a fault. You argue with her on a daily basis, and big time too. Like knock-down, drag-out, fuck-you-and-your donkey riding sherpa-type arguments. They might not be able to relate so you offer this example: Imagine you are in an argument. With yourself. How do you win? You don't. And how does that make you feel?

Now multiply that by "infinity of times" and you start to get the picture.

Oh. Okay, I understand now. Sorry. Well why are you so aloof?

You are at a loss and wonder what they mean by aloof.

Aloof, asswart. As in "distant physically or emotionally; reserved and remote." (thanks answers.com!)

Ahh...yes. You see now. You have no idea. You never really noticed until recently that this was the situation. You believe that it has a lot to do with your trust issues and the fact that you have been hurt. Repeatedly. By both sexes and for all kinds of reasons. You are aloof because that is what keeps you safe.

Strangely enough.

You wear your heart on your sleeve. If you don't like someone it will be apparent. If you do the same is true. Yet you are quite discerning. There are two types of people which you are friends with. There are those who are at your side regardless of the circumstances. And there are those who you walked away from yet were there when you needed them (Adtron and The Supreme S), and they you will never forget. Never. Regardless the directions your lives might take you, you will not ever let them out of your sight. You love them. You think of them the same way you think of your parents. You would never let harm befall them, and would rather lay yourself on the line than let them take the fall.

Thats why you hold people at an arms length and are aloof. You can't give this much of yourself to just anyone. Hell, you can't give this much of yourself to more than a few choice people. You are always ready to choose. There just never seems to be the right choices.

You need a significant other.
You need to move out.
You need money.
You need love.

One.

dp